Violet turns 6.
I'm not sure when time started going so fast. I remember as a kid the months dragged on as I eagerly awaited the next holiday. Now there's no time between holidays or life events. Violet is 6 today and while I love watching her grow into the person she is, I'd really like to hit pause and really enjoy these last few months together before school starts and mom is no longer her best friend.
Naturally this is a day of rememberance of her joining our lives. Remembering the birth of my daughter is a little blurry though, and always reminds me to appreciate my time with Violet because very quickly after her birth no one thought I would have a future with her. I didn't have an easy delivery after being induced 9 days past my due date. For me, it all happened like a blink after delivery. I remember Violet being placed on me and then black. I came in and it off consciousness a few times trying to respond to the people calling my name. I vaguely remember seeing my mom cradling Violet and crying while Violet's dad stayed at my side begging me to stay. The rest has been filled in by the people in the room.
During my labor I hit push time very suddenly and could not wait. Violet was ready to come out whether I needed an epidural or not. I didn't push for very long. I say my motivation was reducing the coneness of her head in the birth canal. During her birth my cervix tore and the Dr's couldn't stop the bleeding. The Dr called to prepare a hysterectomy because my bleeding wouldn't stop. This went on for over an hour. Towel, gaze and many doctor's hands finally stopped the bleeding but I'd lost too much blood and the hospital had to drive in my blood type. I needed multiple blood transfusions and my hospital stay became a week long ICU stay with nurses and doctors in and out of the room every 30 minutes.
At one point during the chaos the doctor told a nurse she didn't think I was going to make it. I think about this everyday and 6 years later I can still cry at the idea of my little girl not having her mom. I use this experience though as a way to really remember to be present. To enjoy the small moments and be grateful for everything. These 6 years have not gone unappreciated and neither will my remaining years.
Be present. Be grateful. Be kind.